- Grand Theft Mos Eisley ; And the Log of the game
- Sean Patrick Fannon SWSW
- Clone Wars Campaign Arc
R2D2 was a Sith!
I contend that R2 is really a Sith Lord. Lets just think about it for a second:
- In every movie, every key scene
- Can destroy Battle driods with ease
- Hated Yoda
- Eps IV – At Mos Eislie Cantina, suddenly the barkeep shouts “We do not serve their kind here!” in reference to the droids. Why? That is never referenced again in any other situation in any other episode. So 3PO and R2 GO BACK OUTSIDE ALONE where the Empire is looking for them. Suddenly, the Empire shows up while the driods hide nearby in a locked area. I am sure Vader would not be concerned about bashing open doors. Who sent the Stormtroopers to the Cantina just at that moment? Why did they decide NOT to search the locked area? What would R2 have to gain? Possibly killing Kenobi and separating him from Luke.
- Was riding with Luke, but got hit on the Death Star run. Otherwise, he have prevented the Death Star from being destroyed. How else to you explain the misses of the other ships with computer aided targeting (force projection)?
- In order to work on corrupting Luke, he destroyed the Red R2 unit so he could be bought instead
- Went off searching for Obi Wan – clearly would have assassinated him if Luke had not caught up (Plus, he used the Force to get Luke to take off the restraining bolt).
- The Falcon only hit light speed when HE wanted it to.
- Hated Ewoks
- Made sure the Princess could escape the Death Star so they could track them to the Rebel base (how else to you explain “that was too easy, they let us get away, they are tracking us” and then they go straight to the rebel base – Jedi mind trick!)
- He always always close to both Anakin and Luke, “completing” their training (you know it was R2 that was projecting the bad dreams/visions to both of them).
- You know he poisoned Yoda before they left Dagoba (sp) – Yoda was fine when they left, dying when they came back
- Who do you think summoned the Emporer when Anakin was cut to pieces and burned by Obi Wan?
- He knew about Luke and Leia. He retrieved the plans from the princess, attached himself to Luke (master plan was to get the plans, corrupt Luke, and kill Obi Wan). It was R2 that convinced the Rebellion to attack with small ships, figuring the massive number of tie fighters would crush the stub fighters (if false, why did the Rebellion use their capital ships in Eps 6?). He just did not count getting hit himself.
- Who was directing Vader to Obi Wan to kill him in Eps 4?
- R2 maneuvered Anakin and Padme to get married. At the beginning of the Eps 2, Padme really wants nothing to do with Anakin “in that way.” So explain how she falls in love after all that bad dialog? R2 was with them…
- Just who were the Assassion Probes communicating with on Hoth? The Fleet, or R2? Who sent the image of the generator to the Fleet?
- He has the same Dark Side Evil Lighting™ as the Emporer
- He never had his memory wiped.
There are probably more examples, but those are the ones off the top of my head.
Looks like I am not the only one who believes this:
I am Jeff Vader
How Eps IV Ruined Star Wars
Since the OhioGame is getting close, Star Wars has been on my mind quite a bit. And this exploded from some of those ponders. Read beware!!!
This is a Star Wars fan boy reaction/review to Star Wars Eps IV [b]if[/b] Eps I-III has been made first (of course, this presumes that someone would put up the dough to actually make a movie after Eps I…). Thus, we go into Eps IV with only the knowledge of Eps 1 through III.
Here are some minor items that people might quibble or be excited about. The fun stuff is at the end.
[*] Boba Fett! Awesome!!
[*] Death Star – Cool!
[*] The clones look a bit bland.
[*] Why the heck were bug people designing planet terror weapons anyway?
[*] So at the end of Eps III, all the surviving characters we know are scattered — Palatine and Anakin are with the Empire, the driods and Leia are on Alderaan, Yodi runs off to who knows where, and Obi Wan and Luke are on Tattooine. You mean to tell me that the next movie opens and brings ALL of them back together again except for Yoda and the Palatine? Sure, Force and Destiny and all, but ALL of them are back in the same spot? More on this below.
[*] Presumably they looked up the serial number and images of the driods for the troops. Are you saying Anakin/Vadar would not have recognized C3PO and R2D2?!?!? He made one and fought in the war with another!
[*] When the Empire tracked the driods back to the Moisture farm, you would think that a report would get to Vader about it. Luke was openingly living there under the name Skywalker. Even if there was a number of Skywalker clans in the region, one would think Vader would check up on a Skywalker living on the same property that his mother is buried.
[*] Chewbacca works for a smuggler now ?!?!?!
[*] Why the hell is Vadar on Moff Tarkin’s leash?!?! He is the right hand man of the Emperor!!!
[*] Why aren’t the clones speaking with an Australian accent?
[*] Why did Obi Wan call Darth Vadar “Darth” like it was his first name?
[*] So the Empire is using fighters that look like Jedi ships and the rebels are using fighters that were on the Republic (and First Galactic Empire mainstays)? (starfighter sided). Ok, maybe I can get behind that as the X-wings being eventual castoffs. But they sure looked effective in the fight!
[*] I wonder what Luke and Leah’s Midiclorian counts are?[/list]
That’s the little stuff. Lets analyze this incestuous plot in full detail to understand how Lucas ruined the Star Wars franchise with Eps IV – The New Crap!
The [b]plot[/b], if you can call it that.: Anakin’s Daughter Leia steals the plans to the Death Star and is pursued by Anakin/Darth Vader. When the ship is captured, she installs the plans on an Astromech droid that was her father’s during the Clone Wars. The Astromech driod escapes the ship with protocol driod Anakin made as a child and basically was the “handmaiden” of her mother. All this occurs over the planet where Anakin was born (via immaculate conception). The droids separate yet get captured by the same Jawas and sold to relatives of the man Anakin’s mother married, who happen to foster Anakin’s son Luke and also live on the land where Anakin’s mother is buried.
R2 runs off to Anakin’s old master Obi Wan. Luke is attacked by Sandpeople, likely in revenge for Anakin slaughtering one of their tribes back in the day (“take that, son of Skywalker!”). Obi Wan takes Luke and the Driods into Mos Eislie (Anakin’s home town) where they meet up with Chewbacca (Yoda’s old buddy) and get on a ship who’s captain has a price on his head by Jabba the Hutt (from Eps 1), who happens to employ’s Jango Fett’s son Boba. They blast out of Mos Eisley and all hang out together. Chewbacca and Obi Wan do not interact at all. Given Yoda’s emphasis of his relations with the Wookies is quite well known with Obi Wan, why would he not at least feel this out? Plus, Chewbacca might have recognized Obi Wan (at least the name) from back inn the day via the holographic war/Jedi Council meetings. Odd, to say the least.
Meanwhile, Anakin is torturing his own daughter. He seems completely absorbed in the Dark Side when you think about Leia – she of nobility, is into galactic politics, is from a defenseless planet, and bears an uncanny resemblance to his long-dead wife in both features and hairstyle. He participates in blowing up her home planet and is on board with her execution. Just a strange, sick thing to have going on without any real linkage.
The rest of the group just happens to show up just after Alderaan gets destroyed and are captured by the Death Star. So Anakin’s old Astromech happens to figure out that Anakin’s daughter is about to be executed, who is then rescued by her brother (unknowingly). And whats with the kiss? So we got Father torturing daughter, and sister kissing brother?
Then this all wraps up with Anakin killing is old master Obi Wan. The fight is horrible. They do not even leave the room the fight starts in. It was all very stiff and awkward. Ok, Anakin was burn to a crisp and Obi Wan is an old man, so I’ll cut them a bit of slack. But its not a lightsaber fight unless someone losses a hand. And I did [b]not[/b] see a hand hit the floor. Heck, not even a body!
So offspring of Anakin and his droids escape the Death Star. They go back to the Rebel base. It does not take long for the Death Star to arrive. There must have not been much review of the schematics if the rebels found a weakness in a matter of hours. So Luke goes out to blow up his father’s Death Star. Now the circle is complete as Luke tries to kill Anakin, Anakin then is trying to kill his own son after having killed his wife and tortured his daughter, abet mostly unknowingly.
Now, after all these tons of linkages back to Eps 1-3, out of no where this Han guy saves the day when he somehow sneaks up on the “best pilot in the galaxy”, shoots the ship next to him it clips Anakin’s ship. Sure, Anakin is not what he used to be physically, but we know from Eps 1 that the reason he is a great pilot is that he can see things before they happen and avoid them. A complete disregard to prior established and communicated information. Also, why didn’t Anakin do his patented “spin move”? Does Lucas have no idea that is what Anakin did in EVERY space combat scene in Eps 1-3?!?!?
So the Death Star blows up and Anakin’s daughter rewards Anakin’s son, her brother for bravery. Yawn.
Who could possibly believe that is even a possible plot! Lucas clearly has lost it with the Star Wars franchise. No way am I going to wait in line for Eps V! (well, maybe a short line).